


Longing for an Identity

by Lala_lemon



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Creature Fic, Identity Issues, Isolation, Merpeople, Mythical Beings & Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lala_lemon/pseuds/Lala_lemon
Summary: Everyone knows who Newt Scamander is and how he helped feared creatures become less misunderstood. Less is known, however about the individual beings he met along the way that helped him write his book. This is the story of one such creature.
Kudos: 2





	Longing for an Identity

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. This has been banging around in my head for ages now and I just had to get it out.

“I am what I am.” I have heard the girl on the shore reciting to her brother before. I don’t exactly know what that means, but it seems to fit me quite well. I do not know what I am, but I know that I am different. My home is on the muddy floor of this loch far beneath the sun’s harsh rays. I have been alone here since the day I pried my way out of my leathery shell. My family if I ever had one has long since gone and the fish stay far away from me to avoid becoming my next meal. My appearance is vastly different from the children I love watching play along the shores of my lake. While their skin is bright and rosy and their hair the color of a fox’s coat my skin is a scaly silvery blue and my hair is a pale green tangle that can easily be mistaken for weeds. I do not know what I am other than inhuman and alone, but I am what I am.

The waters of my lake are growing warmer by the day and all the snow has melted from my shores. Soon the children will come back to play by the water. Singing softly to myself, I gather my collection of shiny shells, stones, and other treasures that I have found hidden in the muddy depths of the loch. Carefully, I swim to the shore and place the bounty on a large flat stone. I have been leaving the children gifts for several years now. Even though they have never seen me they are the only companions that I have.

“Hurry, Nathanial!” I hear. I quickly swim a safe distance away so I can watch them play unseen. “Look Nat!” The little girl cries out. She runs straight to the pile of shells that I had left for her. She picks them up and examines each one with awe. “Th’ fairies must hae left them!” She jumps up and down her making her violent red curls bounce. I can see her brother’s wrinkle his nose in disbelief. “Fairies dunna live in th’ loch Mary,” He says with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes, “But monsters might!” “Tis no such this as monster Nat!” Mary cried. Her brother laughed. “Aye alrigh’ Bunty, dangerous man-eatin _beings_ might be in there. Merlin forbid anyone calls your precious creatures’ monsters.” She just lets out a small huff, rolls her eyes, and smiles at her brother. I try to mimic the expression by pulling my lips back and bearing my sharp pointed teeth. It feels unnatural and is probably frightening to behold. Mary sits down on the shoreline, carefully rearranging her skirts. “Are you excited ‘bout goin t’ Hogwarts Nat?” Nathaniel sat down beside her and picked up one of the smooth pebbles out of the pile. “I am, but you know I worry ‘bout you and Mam, Bunty.” “We’ll be fine Nat.” she reassured him, “and it’ll only be a year fore I’m there with you.” The boy chuckled mirthlessly as he stood up, “A year is plenty of time for trouble. I give you a fortnight ‘fore you get eaten by one of your monst- sorry _beings_.” Mary jumped to her feet and punched her brother on the arm with a glare before marching back into the forest.

The young ones often spoke of monsters, so it was not the first time I had heard the word before. Normally it was accompanied by wooden sword fights, tales of dragons, or Mary reading stories about giants, cockatrices, werewolves, and trolls. It made me wonder, was I one of the monsters Nathanial spoke of? I look down at my long, webbed fingers and sigh. The sun was starting to burn my skin and I am starting to turn the dark shade of blue of a clear summer day. I retreat under the cool waves before the sun can do me any permanent damage. I will need to wat until nightfall before I return to the surface.

Nathaniel was leaving. I did not understand everything the children said but the majority of the time I can make out the meanings of their unfamiliar words. Hogwarts. They had mentioned this word quite often as of late. Now I knew it was a place. Oh, how I longed to see somewhere other than my dark cold loch. Not that it is a bad place to live. There is always plenty to eat. The water is so deep that the sun can not reach the murky depths and it is so wide across that it takes me a whole three days to swim across the widest part. It is a very lonely life though. Other than a few close encounters with fishermen over the years, nothing, and nobody but the other inhabitants of the loch have seen me.

I watch the sun drift down under the mountains and as the sky darkens, I make my way to my favorite rock outcrop. I pull myself up until most of my body is out of the water. Softy I hum to myself as I gently attempt to detangle pieces of weeds and kelp out of my hair. The night breeze is cool against my wet skin, making the scales on my arms rise. As I finish with my hair I lay down and look up at the star filled sky. I wish I knew who I am. _What_ I am. I wish that I could simply shed my tail and join Mary and Nathaniel on the shore, or Mary at least. Nathaniel doesn’t seem as though he would be very accepting of my less than human status. Maybe he is right though, maybe I really am a monster. After all I could hardly defend myself when I myself do not know what I am.

Shaking my head, I roll softly back into the water. It does me no good to dwell on this. As Mary says I am what I am. And what I am is tired. Maybe tomorrow the children will be back so I can hear more of this Hogwarts place. 


End file.
